Silent Cries4:16 PM
Monday, February 24, 2014
Hello darlings! Hehes
Been ridiculously long since i last blog or speak to someone how i am really feeling these few days/weeks. I didn't really want to bother anyone with my problems or to say, do people around you really care about how you are feeling?
Woke up these few days finding myself sobbing and crying really hard. I realized i had been crying in my sleep. It has been a while since i last cried in my sleep and was really crying really badly. The reason i cried is still fresh in my mind: all the built up stress and unhappiness, the unwillingness to allow others to see me cry..
I have been going through a hard time, a really really hard time. Been dragging so many things on and refusing to solve it because i am too afraid to face it and i am afraid to face what lies ahead in my life. I realized that i have also become so much more dependent on people whom i know i can dependent on. Just a slight concern from you and soon, i will find myself wanting so much more. I really need to know and learn not to cling onto people because everything is impermanent.
Do you ever see a picture of someone that you used to be so close to and you just remember every thing you did together and all the things you said you would do together, all the late night conversations or phone calls and remember all the good things and bad things both of you have been through together but then you remember that they're now just a memory and they're not in your life anymore?
Yes, i do miss having someone by my side. I miss having late night conversations and phone calls. I miss receiving concern messages and having someone there to share my happiness, sadness or all the frustrations. I miss having someone to hang out with and to cuddle with. I miss getting pampered. I am forever not used to being alone, way too use to having someone with me in my life.
Yes, i have changed and can never be the same anymore. I'm not as nice as i used to be because i don't want to get used or walked over. I don't trust everyone and tell them my secrets because every fake smile is a backstabbing bitch. I distance myself from people because in the end, they're only going to leave. I have changed because i have realized that i am the only person i can depend on.
It's only February and i am facing so much emotional stress. why can't life be so much better for me? ><
