Im not so strong anymore.5:20 AM
Friday, January 31, 2014
Most of the times I am really terrible to myself, no matter how many times I hear or read how good or lovable I am.
Is just the self esteem of one playing a fool on the person. Is often said to 'love yourself' but how many of us can do that? Loving your own natural self?
I often get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except to eat and sleep.
I could no longer take the feelings of disappointment.
I push people away.
Not because I want to be alone because I don't. I push people away so as not to hurt the person. I push people away to prevent myself from getting hurt. I always distance myself when people become close to me. I keep pushing people away when all I want is someone to be there for me. I push people away because I want to see how far people would go for me. If only people are patient enough to stay with me.
Selfish as it may be but if no one's going to protect you from getting hurt then all you have is yourself to do that job. I always feel that I am annoying to others but I do know, in the end, everyone is going to leave. They always do. Don't tell me you don't because it is going to be another lie.
To be honest, I notice everything. And by everything, I literally mean everything. I notice when someone stops texting me like they used to. I notice when the way someone talks to me starts changing. I notice the little things that people do. I notice when things change, and when it's no longer the same. I notice every single little detail. i just don't say anything because silence is golden.
Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.
